My Demons…

Last night I dreamt of using again. I have over 2 months clean and sober now and I am going through quite an adjustment period. I dreamt of living in squalor, using cocaine, and being the old compulsive person I was before.

This became a gateway to another dream where my demons manifested as psychopathic killers.  I had no problem using them at a distance against others but I wouldn’t get to close to them fearing they would destroy me. This symbolic act made me aware of a level of cowardice and self attachment when dealing with darker aspects of self. I plan on using these in meditations and doing shamanic death meditations to undo myself further. I must confront systems in place in the internal landscape to fully bring about the eco system of thought I need to move further along.

The realm of clockwork flesh.

I’ve been purging myself of anything rooted in previous magical workings and currents. I’ve felt out of place and wanted to really focus on a true self stylized system of exploration, discovery and creation. Last night was a huge breakthrough. 

I  woke up after dreaming about severing ties to dkmu and the LS. I began puking and shitting my guts out as it felt as if I had been stabbed in the stomach. After about two hours of this I went back to sleep the pain bearable enough to do so.

I entered a realm, an inner sanctum made of clockwork flesh,  rivers of blood, electrical currents and moving glyphs/symbols of power. Within the realm I was in contact with thoughtforms I had created, some of which I never even knew  I had even created. With the help of a guide I learned that all sigilised will was essentially a thoughtform and if not banished festered in the inner sanctum. I was also able to trace the lines of history to every thoughtform I had created. One specifically I had made unintentionally to find high quality drugs was upset because of my current sobriety, I dissolved it back into the clockwork flesh. 

I meditated in the experience today and was informed that, “All thoughts are living organisms, give birth to the right one’s and create an ecosystem. ” 

Farewell 663… Not that you were ever really there.

The DKMU has been my home online and in a magical sense for several years now and no longer is or will ever be again. After having been completely sober for a month and a half I can no longer acknowledge this group as acceptable in any sense of the word. Here you will find some of the most self deluded and arrogant loudmouths in the world of online occultism. Unfortunately my incredibly extensive use of narcotics, extremely powerful initiatic experiences, and camaraderie with a lot of these people blinded me to how ultimately useless and full of shit the majority was.

 

You can only hold onto that glamour for so long until you realize the group is either ridiculously politically charged  or they are basically the chaos magick equivalent of religious fanatics tagging prayers on the side of buildings. People who are so drug addicted, self absorbed, or armchair magicians that they can make every excuse in the world as to why they can’t pay their bills, why they still live with their parents, why they can’t address clearly recognized mental health issues and this type of behavior is allowed and fostered by the group dynamic (at least in the majority of online interactions). I cried from the top of the mountains how alive the current was over my years of swimming in the cesspool only to realize it was just a magick mirror and any perceived power was rightfully my own.

 

I have been a drug addict, megalomaniac mage, loudmouth for years, yelling at anyone who would listen. As soon as I started to make powerful and significant changes in my life, as soon as I started to leave the madness and really criticize the people and myself in the current it became apparent that I needed a new mirror, a new map. In the process I have received more criticism than in my time spouting off nonsense that confirmed the beliefs of people within the group.

 

Examples of the idiots and their mentalities that pervade the group:

• People who went to university or had some type of academic approach to magick, will insult others in the group for being low, do mostly name dropping to sound relevant while contributing much less.
• Individuals who will discourse seemingly confident, yet will explain the reason why they can’t get laid is because they live under their parents thumb.
• People who will say dumb ass shit like “I am an asshole if I see someone out of balance I will realign their chakras.” Same person is homeless with a family and every time they have a negative experience living in someone else’s place it is always the hosts fault.
• People who use the LS and 663 current merely to spam their creative projects while hardly offering anything of value. (although with 3000 strong that is a great marketing tactic)
• People who consistently talk about how poor they are or how shit their life is only to turn around and assert grand powers and experiences through the LS.
• People with shit photo shop skills who copy whole wikipedia articles as a method of argument. (although this might be an elaborate troll which is great then)
• Oldfags who are rightfully bitter at the shithole their paradigm became, yet still do nothing to attempt change.
• Burnouts that while having been published have never really done anything significant outside of that and use words as a way to still seem relevant while doing nothing with their lives.
• Activists, fucking activists, obsessed with trying to curse trump or enforce their ideologies upon everyone through the use of failing magick. I am not a Trump supporter but the second you say anything against them you’re a white power fascist.
• Death to the Image Hail the New Flesh, the majority of the people that inhabit the online community seem to miss the credo and do nothing but attempt to project false images instead of taking the time to manifest a real and powerful change in their life. Ego based magicians arguing over the LS circle jerk while creating and contributing absolutely nothing.

 

Although I have an entirely bitter taste in my mouth as to the state of and arguments for pro-dkmu mindset I will admit I have learned a lot more than I can express in words.

I have experienced deep gnosis of the peripheral realm and there is some legitimate substance to the godform wheel, LS, and underlying theme to what it means to be DKMU.

It’s unfortunate that I had to spend so many years swimming in shit, without realizing the degree of how utterly shitty it was, to get to this point. But once the haze was lifted through intentional sobriety and sincere personal discovery it became clear I do not belong with this “group”.

 

I am over the Ideal of waving this post-modernist banner of an amorphous aspiration with no consistent basis, method, or goal in mind but to vaguely or radically and politically “Assault Reality”. The wheel of godforms just like the LS, while having substance potentially is a mirror and anything you get out of it was you all along…

 

-Ave Cthonos (the dead name brought back to yell at the world)

If you are here you sought me out

If you are here you sought me out. thank you…